Asbestos Mouth

Untitled

Sunday 29th at 9:45 am |

Well, alot has happened since last time I bloged, for one my computer crashed. One day we tryed to turn it on and it just showed a black screen. I tryed putting a new hard drive in it and that didn't work, so we thought it might be the ram chip, I dunno. We decided to just get a new fucking computer becuase that one was getting alittle funky anyway. So yes, I lost everything. Hopfully we can salvage the hard drive but who knows. The computer is pretty nice but it came with Windows fucking Vista, the shittist by far. When I bought the tower I asked if I could just get it withought windows, and she said no. God it sucks, i've been thinking about taking it off and installing XP. Bill Gates should just, I dunno make something that works. You have to have windows in order to do anything, if you go to the store try to find one program to buy than runs on anything other than windows... Anyway. Atleast I have a computer now, i'm to tired to argue

I finally got a new job, I work at the same warehouse my boyfriend does. You'd be suprised how many things humans do that you thought machience put togeather. I assemble cell phones. It's very mindless work, but very easy. I usually work 10 hour days mon-fri, sometimes saturday, and I definally get paid more at this job than the other one. My feet hurt pretty bad becuase I have to stand on concrete but i'll get use to it. And the hours are kinda crappy. At my old job I worked 4pm-1am, at this job I work 7am-3:30pm, but we usually come in at 5am. So my sleeping is all fucked up. I'll get use to it. But in all im happy.

I bought Nirvana, Nevermind yesterday. I wanted Bleach but Target didn't have it, there cd selection fucking sucks. They had a shit load of country but not much else. So im listening to the cd now. It makes me think of Justin, than Lisa, two friends I had, it feels like so long ago. Justins been dead for over a year now, hmm it'll actually be two years soon. I wonder how different things would be if he was alive. I dunno. He was a great guy, just alittle... well who knows. He did kill himself so no one really knows what was wrong. Well this entry doesn't sound much like me but I thought I should update. So i'll gonna leave it at that.

- Brenna

Fleur dr saison

Tuesday 17th at 5:31 am |

I really don't do anything. When you think about it, what do you do everyday? I go to work, to pay bills, so I can have a place to sleep, so I can go to work the next day. My job is meaningless. I'm tired of doing repetitive, worthless, work. I'd like to do actual work. Grow my own food, make things and sell them. Like clothes, or pottery. I really don't see how working at a movie rental store could do any good at all. I'm just another droid, programed to do my mindless tasks "It's important". Customers, oh no wait guest, who fucking cares? The way society has evolved is almost disgusting. The stereotypes we have, the hate, the joy, it all seems fake. Sometimes I just want to die. I'm not sad, I don't hate myself fully. The world just saddens me, all the suffering. It's endless, everyone will suffer. I always admired buddhist monks, how they overcome and accept suffering, the suffering of the world. I'm not sure how to end anything, or begin it for that matter. My grammer and spelling aren't very good. But my thoughts just overflow in my head most of the time. I want to write somthing beautiful, but somthing ordinary always falls out instead. I should be sleeping, but i'm not tired. Theres a great quote from Fight Club. "When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake" I feel like that alot. I feel that feeling, of feeling way to much.

- Brenna

I believe in your smile every day

Monday 9th at 2:52 am |

I had the day off yesterday, sunday that is. Michael and I planned on going to a japanesse place, after driveing thirty minutes to discover it was closed. After that disapointment we decided to go the Macaroni Grill, yes Macaroni Grill. It's an italian restaurant. I was upset becuase I couldn't have any wine (not 21), and also becuase we couldn't buy a bottle of the house wine, chianti that is becuase it's sunday. Indiana has a stupid law that you can't buy liqour on sundays, how retarded it that? When I use to live in northern indiana we would drive 15 minutes to michigan to get some. Grrr... Anyway, I had veil for the first time. I know, i'm awful. But I thought I should try it, it wasn't very good. Must have been a bad cut or something. So after dinner we came home and called a friend to hang out. We got there an hour or two later and I played Guitar Hero for the first time. I thought I would hate it but it is freaking awsome. I want one now, but I know I would rarley get off my fat ass to actually play it. When I'm home I'm pretty lazy, other than cleaning I just sit around. Maybe it's becuase all I do at work is stand around for nine hours. Speaking of work, I really want a new job. I can't stand all the drama, and I can't stand the pay. My checks are kinda big... becuase I work atleast 20 hours of over time every pay period. I want a job makeing the same amout of money with less hours, but I still want 40 hours every week. But at the same time I love my boss and the job isn't THAT bad. Another big draw back is the fact that I never see my boyfriend, I don't know. Seems like I talk about the same meaningless shit everytime I blog. Most people say and do the same meaningless shit there whole lives. I always found people who killed themselves to be oh-so sad, tortured souls who couldn't bear to be in this world of suffering. But now I just see them as pitifully fucks who didn't care about anyone but them selfs, thats why there dead. The world will always be filled with suffering, you will be sad in your life. People you know will be sad, angry, maybe every hate you. In the end you and I are just meat bags. This fleshy cast is only temporary, beauty is what society labels acceptable. My image tells you nothing about me. We're all just monkeys.

- Brenna

The buzzing of silence in my head

Sunday 1st at 5:21 am |

Can you hear me? Good. Since my "host" is a little bastard I decided to give up and continue bloging on here. He wasn't helpful basically, he seemed bothered by me. Of coarse someone is going to have to e-mail you multiple times if you never answer there fucking questions. But this expierance has helped me out the php and wordpress. I have php down pretty well, wordpress... eeeeh, alittle work and I'll be fine. But I can't do shit now on this free server. Anyway, i'll get over it.

So basically i've been doing nothing but working. Theres this little, annoying, shit head, goober I work with that I just CAN NOT stand anymore. I would tell you what bothers me about him, but it would take me an hour, no two hours to type out the daily shit he does. Hes a power hungry fuck. Excuse the language tonight, i'm in a mood. Anyway, I hear him talking about me all the time, and i'm also told he bitches about me to everyone at work. This job is definatly getting to the point where theres to much drama, and $6.50 an hour wouldn't keep anyone. You would think a majoir comany would pay more. Theres a nice girl I work with that told me she makes $7.00 an hour. She has the same title as me. When I was hired on my manager told me he couldn't give me anymore than $6.50. So I very politley talked to him about this when I found out she was makeing $7.00. He told me "Oh no, shes only getting $6.50". Why would she lie to me, but on the other hand what if hes lieing to me? I can see it both ways, but both of them can't be right... I know it's only 50 cents, but that would help me out. At my last job I make $7.90, so I took a big drop in pay. I spend my whole week there already. I worked over 100 hours this last pay period. We get paid every two weeks. I'm very frustrated with this job. But the good things about it are really good. I get 40 hours a week, I always work the same shift, so it works out. Michael and I have to share a car, so if I wanted to find another job it would be almost impossible. I could do it, but on the other hand Michael MIGHT get a promotion, than he would be working a different shift... So I have to wait a month to see if he gets that.... FUCK. I'm getting really tired, and tired of talking about this. So i'm going to randomly cut this off and go to bed.

- Brenna